Let's talk about (heterosexual) sex

So, I have been in Mexico (and then all around California) for the last two months. And boy, do I have all sorts of things about Mexican sexism to discuss. Besides getting whistled at on the street like a dog by policemen on a daily basis, I have been observing the rigid gender roles and blatant forms of oppression that no one wanted to talk about (much less the women). And, of course, in my experience, this doesn't apply just to Mexico, but to most of the world (if not, all of the world). This ordeal of the summer has been right up my alley, though, as I was finishing up a project of gender roles/identities of women who grew up during the Soviet Union. Fascinating findings, indeed.

But let me direct your attention to the sexism that still prevails here in our good ol' American patriarchy. Shockingly, perhaps, it's the kind of subtle misogyny that gets transmitted to women by other women. Here it is in the form of a magazine sex advice column:

Cosmo's 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves
So this is an article (remember: by women, for women) that is supposed to enhance our libido and stir up our bedsheets, and yet the first 10, if not more, points there are about how to please the man. Put bands around his penis, put a mirror so he can see you going down on him (as if receiving a blow job is not enough?), put your legs over here and then there so he can get more stimulation, twist your body this way and that way, but don't fall off the bed (or god forbid, he might be left unsatisfied)!

There is a trick I learned recently, to check for possible inequality in situations. And this trick is to ask, "Whom does it benefit?" I'd have to say from this article, it ain't women's sexualities that are benefitting here. I guess this is a pet peeve of mine, our lack of understanding, respect, and appropriate teaching tools about female sexuality. Sadly, there are no "how to give her the pleasure of her life" articles among car and sport ones in men's magazines. Many men tend to learn about sex from porn these days, and we all know whom porn benefits (hint: again, it ain't female sexuality). And us? More than 50 years after the Kinsey report, I still meet many women who don't know the difference between a clitoris and a G-spot, or who frequently do not orgasm during intercourse.

So ladies, I beg you, forget about that sex position that gets at his penis at just the right angle. Go explore your bodies and teach yourselves (and later him) what feels great, and demand an equally satisfying place in bed.

Un-cream

While studying for crazy no-good exams last week, I did find a little time to procrastinate on the internet (surprise!). A friend who is in environmental law passed along the following useful and also somewhat disconcerning link: Environmental Working Group's Guide to Safe Cosmetics. Turns out, the ingredients (i.e. chemicals) used in various cosmetic products are not very researched and very poorly regulated. There are no FDA-like approvals for what can or cannot be mixed into our creams, sprays, and gels to be smeared all over our bodies. Hence, the cocktail of chemicals made to smell vaguely like "rose" can be hazardous to our skin, eyes, and lungs. Yikes!

The Environmental Working Group put together a database of products, while thoroughly checking their ingredients and then rating their danger level. As you might imagine, upon receiving this information, I immediately ran into our bathroom, scooped up all the possible products in there and began to look up each rating obsessively. Besides discovering that my favorite French hand cream rated in the high-danger zone and freaking out accordingly, I realized that, when my husband uses shampoo, soap, toothpaste, deodorant as his general grooming products, I use shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face moisturizer, toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream (sometimes), hand lotion, face lotion, lip balm, makeup (eye liner, mascara, powder, lip gloss), makeup remover (sometimes), sunscreen (sometimes). And I bet I am even in the lower end of "feminine self-care". I know plenty of women who use way more makeup, shower/bath, skin, and perfume items on a daily basis. And apparently, we are all slowly poisoning ourselves.

But besides this being a general health issue, I think this is also a feminist issue. An issue in which I ask, Why are we even using so many products on our bodies to change ourselves to adhere to some beauty ideal? Sure, makeup, creams, and other various body enhancements have existed for ages, but have everyday women worked quite this hard to keep their lashes long and dark, their hair nice and sleek, their skin baby-smooth? All this is just so exhausting, dangerous, and well, disempowering. It seems that there are the general necessary protections (soap, toothpaste, sunscreen) and the over-the-top (acne-controlling, dandruff-reducing, super-absorbent) extras. And the line is a fine one. So let's keep ourselves and each other in check on how we treat our bodies; they are so much more than vessels for chemical hazards.

Escort us into a new era

I started this blog a bit mid-thought. There are all these topics brewing in my head and it's hard to know even where to start. This seems like an abrupt beginning, but I guess the best thing is just to dive right in. So I will start off with this.

I spotted this secret at PostSecret a few weeks back, and kept it as a mental note, because I knew I wanted to comment.

I don't know how some responses to postcards get published on the site below the secrets (I guess you email Frank Warren directly), but if I could reply, I'd say:

The thought of clinic escorts, the fact that we need clinic escorts to keep women safe, makes me want to cry.

I've actually considered working/volunteering as an escort for the local Planned Parenthood, and I still might someday. Although I'd probably have to do some serious attitude-changing or else I'd be personally tackling those protesters to the ground. To me, this is not even about ideology, it's about humanity and compassion for the virtually powerless person in an awful situation. Not everyone who goes into those clinics will necessarily have an abortion. But even if they are, violence, blame, and guilt-trips are not ways to get the point across, believe me. If you feel passionate about your pro-life stance, you need to work with the women, not against them, to help them figure out their options. They, especially, need our care and support. And, of course, on a larger level, we'd need to change our attitudes regarding sex, reproduction, who is and isn't responsible for which parts of the whole messy scenario. Yes, this may seem like a slippery slope, but it just doesn't seem fair that women single-handedly carry the weight, and hence the blame, for whatever action they choose to/are forced to take. Thus, both men and women need to work together to bring care and empowerment to the afflicted. I bet both pro-life and pro-choicers would agree on this goal, but pictures of 7-week shriveled fetuses are not a way to get us there.