Rape is rape in all colors and shapes

The semester is almost over, and then, we will have all sorts of feminist issues to discuss. But in the meantime, two pieces in the news caught my attention recently and warranted a brief pause from writing, grading, and researching to mention here.

One is the Rape is Rape campaign. Turns out, people in government are trying to change the definition of rape to mean only forcible rape. They argue that it is too hard to prove whether someone really said "No", and thus, rape victims must prove that sexual activity was truly forced on them. Clearly, this definition is absurd for so many reasons, including the fact that even force is hard to prove sometimes, non-bruise-leaving acts are still violating and wrong, "No" always means "No", even if one is gently coercing sex, etc.

So please support the protection of all people (mostly women, but some men, too) against sexual violence. Let's all enjoy sex consensually and responsibly.

Secondly and unrelatedly, as I was reading various comments regarding the rape issue, I came across this one. Readers had gone on a tangent about why the Women's Issues banner on the Huffington Post website is pink.

GraniteSkyline

Commented 1 day ago in Impact

“I hate pink, but when I wear it my husband is nicer to me (he doesn't realize he treats me differently). When I have had a hard day at work I come home and slip into my pink sweats and not only is there no whining from him but he will cook dinner and serve it to me at my desk! The color has power!”

Interesting, isn't it? Hooray for this woman's self-awareness or it never would have entered my attention either. But it got me thinking that, huh it's true, there is something disarming about a pink bathrobe/sweats since we tend to associate pink with femininity and femininity with weakness and tenderness. It makes sense that this simple act portrays the attitude of "please take care of me", whereas maybe slipping into a black hoodie with skull and bones on it would get a response of, "get your own damn dinner". Who knows, but in any case, here is another reason why I hate anything girl-related being encoded entirely in pink.

Celebrate Women

International Women's Day has come and gone, without me writing a thing about it... But it's not too late to recognize the achievements that women have made over the past century and solidify efforts for the future. People ask me if I think this day is sexist, what with all the flowers and soft presents for women, and if recognizing women on just one day out of the whole year is not enough. To this I say that as long as men control this day (how it gets celebrated and what exactly gets recognized), then it can very easily slip down a steep sexist slope. If this day becomes about gifting kitchen appliances and men doing "women's jobs" for a day by "helping out" with dinner and vacuuming, then I see this as another underscoring of gender inequalities.

But we can claim this day and make it about what we want! We can use this platform to speak up about the status of women in the world and urge all people to unify in our efforts to create a peaceful and safe space for everyone.

Visit the International Women's Day Site to see 

what movements are going on around the world 

and how you can get involved!

As for me, I've been thinking about the idea of Feminist Coming Out Day. Being a feminist is an identity that is not always accepted in various social spheres. In fact, as a Russian feminist, I don't even know how to broach this subject with most Russians. I think my own personal activism will be around coming out to the Russian community and putting a face to feminism. 

Are We Valid?

Last week, Frank Warren published this anonymous email on his PostSecret website:

-----Email Message-----

My doctor recently told me I'll never be able to have kids. I corrected her and said, "You mean I'll never be able give birth". I am proud to say I will adopt one day and it won't make me any less of a mom.

This brought me to the following two thoughts: 1) What is motherhood? And, pending the first definition, what is womanhood in relation to motherhood?, and 2) How are doctors (you know, the people with the ultimate authority over our bodies) treating and relating to women (interestingly, in the email, the doctor is female)?

Alors...

1. For years I have considered adoption a much more plausible and ethical option for me and my family. More so than childbirth, that is. This may seem illogical to evolutionists, and maybe I am still a naive 20-something-year-old whose biological clock has not chimed in (this is true), but I just cannot find any reasonable justification for bringing more people into the world. As with everything, there is a political and spiritual debate over the issue of overpopulation, although I tend to side with the UN figures that state that we do not have the resources to care for all the people in this world. In any case, adoption also makes humanitarian sense to me. I'm not interested in telling various countries to stop having babies, but since there already are abandoned and orphaned children all over the place, I feel that I must do my part in providing some of them with a chance for a family. And I don't think this would make me any less of a mother.

Of course, there is always that need and curiosity (although, again, my biology has not yet turned on) for women to birthe and breastfeed, and those who adopt will likely go through a mourning process regarding those issues. [Although, how many women really give birth or breastfeed "naturally" these days? But that's a topic for another time.] My point is that motherhood is not limited to women's use of their breasts and vaginas, and women are not damaged in some fundamentally female way if they choose not to employ those anatomical features to acquire a child.

But sadly, this opinion still seems quite unpopular. Just look at the rise in fertility treatments.

2. On another note, I recently came across this article about the relationship of (presumably male) doctors and their female patients. It's true: sexism prevails in our health systems. When people ask me why I am in the field of psychology of women (is there really anything to study about women and psychology?), it's hard for me to explain the amount of discrimination that went on and still goes on in the theories, diagnosis, and treatment of women. So, like the woman in the email, be on the lookout for sexist language, and please, stand up for yourself. The more we speak up, the more the system will have to give way and start treating us as valid beings.