Without being too aggressive about it

I have been thinking recently about the concept of "passive aggressiveness". It is generally thought of by the Western psychology community as an unhealthy way to deal with conflict. I'm sure we've all used this term to refer to someone's actions in a derogatory way: "she didn't want to watch that movie, but she didn't tell me; she was just so passive aggressive about it!" And that's the thing. Passive aggressiveness is usually associated with women, and often ways in which women behave are seen as negative. Men are forward, aggressive, direct, truthful and psychologically healthy. Women are passive, indirect, uncommunicable, deceptive, cunning, manipulative, and ultimately, unhealthy.

It has been my experience that women usually act in indirect ways because this may be the only way to have power. When showing direct power and influence is threatening or dangerous, women resort to subtle, maybe sly, means to affect things around them. This perceived threat may be real or passed down through generations and learned by watching other women act this way. It simply makes no sense to pathologize an entire way to acting, without addressing its relationship to patriarchy. Instead of requiring that a whole population of people change to conform to the standards of the dominant group, we need to change the larger context. Our mission then should be to show women a safe world, a world where their opinions matter and where they can truly express themselves directly without fearing real or imagined repercussions.

Punctuation is also socio-political

Which of these is true?

Just a post

One time at work, I asked this younger guy if he was one of the practicum students or "just a volunteer" at our agency. He jokingly gave me a hard time about being just a volunteer, and I actually felt really bad for this misphrase that I so often hear women using. It's one of those overlooked and yet offensive little words that minimizes our experiences. And we don't even realize we are doing it. The ladies of Momversation also discussed the adverse effects of calling mothers "just moms", something that happens much too often. Since then I have been paying attention to when I and other women use a "just" before describing ourselves. And it happens not only with motherhood, but also with the general way in which we define ourselves: I'm just a grad student, I've just been married a few years, I'm just working on this one project that will change the world.

Interestingly, I hardly ever hear men using "just"s to define themselves. So, much like the apologetic language so characteristic of women, we must abandon using "just"s in our self-descriptions. We, our work, our choices, and our beings, are important and worthy. No ifs, ands, buts, or justs about it.