Let's talk about (heterosexual) sex

So, I have been in Mexico (and then all around California) for the last two months. And boy, do I have all sorts of things about Mexican sexism to discuss. Besides getting whistled at on the street like a dog by policemen on a daily basis, I have been observing the rigid gender roles and blatant forms of oppression that no one wanted to talk about (much less the women). And, of course, in my experience, this doesn't apply just to Mexico, but to most of the world (if not, all of the world). This ordeal of the summer has been right up my alley, though, as I was finishing up a project of gender roles/identities of women who grew up during the Soviet Union. Fascinating findings, indeed.

But let me direct your attention to the sexism that still prevails here in our good ol' American patriarchy. Shockingly, perhaps, it's the kind of subtle misogyny that gets transmitted to women by other women. Here it is in the form of a magazine sex advice column:

Cosmo's 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves
So this is an article (remember: by women, for women) that is supposed to enhance our libido and stir up our bedsheets, and yet the first 10, if not more, points there are about how to please the man. Put bands around his penis, put a mirror so he can see you going down on him (as if receiving a blow job is not enough?), put your legs over here and then there so he can get more stimulation, twist your body this way and that way, but don't fall off the bed (or god forbid, he might be left unsatisfied)!

There is a trick I learned recently, to check for possible inequality in situations. And this trick is to ask, "Whom does it benefit?" I'd have to say from this article, it ain't women's sexualities that are benefitting here. I guess this is a pet peeve of mine, our lack of understanding, respect, and appropriate teaching tools about female sexuality. Sadly, there are no "how to give her the pleasure of her life" articles among car and sport ones in men's magazines. Many men tend to learn about sex from porn these days, and we all know whom porn benefits (hint: again, it ain't female sexuality). And us? More than 50 years after the Kinsey report, I still meet many women who don't know the difference between a clitoris and a G-spot, or who frequently do not orgasm during intercourse.

So ladies, I beg you, forget about that sex position that gets at his penis at just the right angle. Go explore your bodies and teach yourselves (and later him) what feels great, and demand an equally satisfying place in bed.