5 Misconceptions About Feminists

I'll be honest, this article upset me. I understand that this is a personal opinion post, but it is part of a larger discourse: can feminism and motherhood, or feminism and womanhood, exist simultaneously? Modern women all over the place seem to be asking themselves this question (to be fair, the author of this article also wrote this response), and to my dismay, many decide that the answer is "no." I have no idea where this answer comes from... is it from the misconceptions, the stereotypes, the backlash, the patriarchy that is so scared of women's voices and power? It's not even any particular person that I am upset about, but rather the general pattern of these discussions (many of which seems to be happening among mothers, I think?). 

In any case, that original post alludes to some popular stereotypes about feminism that simply are not true but are still widely held. I would like to discuss some of them here, in the style of this piece, which by the way I thought was pretty great.

I don't know, is what I am about to say pretty basic? But if so, why do we still hear and perpetuate all these myths? Anyway, here we go:

1. Feminism is an antiquated movement that is no longer relevant to modern women.

In short, feminism is about understanding and pointing out the systemic inequalities between men, as a group, and women, as a group. These inequalities still exit today; sexism still exists today, even if it may be hard to see sometimes. Check out this report for some statistics on gender disparities worldwide.

And actually, in my experience, feminism is the most flexible of the human rights movements. Generally, feminists listen to the critiques of others and attempt to include different perspectives. When the movement mostly included White women and focused only on their concerns, African-American women said: Hey, that isn't relevant to us, but this is! And the goals of the movement shifted to look at the interplay between sexism and racism. Later, lesbian women said: Wait, and what about us? In addition to those issues, we are also facing these ones! This started a conversation about the interplay between sexism and homophobia. And so on.

So if there is something that feels irrelevant or if something feels unaddressed, please speak up! Do not disavow yourself from the movement, but let us know how we can better address your needs. I think we are all in this together.

2. Feminists hate men.

Feminism is not about individual men and women, but about systems of oppression. And guess what? Men can be feminists, too! And also, you know, if a woman is heterosexual, chances are, she still loves men, but that's not really the point, is it?

bell hooks says that patriarchy (defined as a system in which women have a subordinate status to men, i.e. everywhere in the world) has no gender. This means that oppression is perpetuated by both men and woman onto both men and women. In the end, it actually disadvantages everyone! Some common examples include: a boy is scared/not allowed to take a ballet class despite his superb dancing and musical abilities, a group of male staff fail to take their female boss seriously, a female college student is scared to walk home alone from the library after dark, a mother tells her daughter to watch what she eats specifically because prom is coming up and doesn't the daughter want to look thin for her boyfriend? These are all examples of sexism that limit opportunities for all people and restrict our chances of self-actualizing.

Beautiful campaign and photography here

3. Feminist women want to be like men, which they are not.

Feminists don't want to "be like men," but they want access to the same opportunities as men. This means having equal access to education, health care, employment, etc. I don't think any feminist will care if a woman chooses not to work outside the home. By all means, do what works for you and your family! But every feminist will care if a woman chooses to get a job outside the home (because hey, this is what works for her and her family!) but is denied employment because she is seen erroneously as less profitable or gets paid less for doing the same job as a man. You see the pattern here? Expanding opportunities and fighting discrimination = good for everyone.

Source

4. Feminism is anti-motherhood.

Have you seen the awesome feminist mothers of the internet? Again, feminist motherhood (and feminist fatherhood, for that matter) is about expanding the opportunities for what our boys and girls can do and be. Here is an example of a mother fighting for her son's right to play with dolls and be "mommy." Here is an example of a mother teaching her daughter not to define herself only through her appearance. Feminist parenting is essential for the raising of a socially-conscious and inclusive next generation.

5. Shouldn't it be called "humanism"?
Humanism as a belief in the equal integrity of all people is good in spirit. Of course, we all want to be treated equally and with respect. But, in my opinion, it fails to recognize and address the patriarchy in which we all exist. Feminism goes on to explain why it is that we don't currently have equality and lays out some steps to remedy that situation.

Any other questions about feminism?

And now I will leave you with this wonderful quote from Pat Robertson, given at the 1992 Republican National Convention:

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians."

Celebrate Women

International Women's Day has come and gone, without me writing a thing about it... But it's not too late to recognize the achievements that women have made over the past century and solidify efforts for the future. People ask me if I think this day is sexist, what with all the flowers and soft presents for women, and if recognizing women on just one day out of the whole year is not enough. To this I say that as long as men control this day (how it gets celebrated and what exactly gets recognized), then it can very easily slip down a steep sexist slope. If this day becomes about gifting kitchen appliances and men doing "women's jobs" for a day by "helping out" with dinner and vacuuming, then I see this as another underscoring of gender inequalities.

But we can claim this day and make it about what we want! We can use this platform to speak up about the status of women in the world and urge all people to unify in our efforts to create a peaceful and safe space for everyone.

Visit the International Women's Day Site to see 

what movements are going on around the world 

and how you can get involved!

As for me, I've been thinking about the idea of Feminist Coming Out Day. Being a feminist is an identity that is not always accepted in various social spheres. In fact, as a Russian feminist, I don't even know how to broach this subject with most Russians. I think my own personal activism will be around coming out to the Russian community and putting a face to feminism. 

Caretakers, let's take care of this

There is one thing that became particularly clear in my own research (and believe me, I would love to cite myself here, but that time has not yet come) on femininity, womanhood, and the meaning that women attribute to being women, and that is that we are caretakers. We take care of everything and everyone around us. We are often sacrificial, we are often patient and sensitive to the needs of others, and we are often not encouraged to develop our own interests or paths in life, but to act in the interests of others. Women in my study (and they were of a particular cultural background and demographic, but I see this anecdotally across the spectrum) had a hard time defining themselves as autonomous, internally-stable beings. Their ideas and feelings about their selves were overwhelmingly defined through the well-being of others, and their sense of worth depended not on personal achievements, but on the successes of the people in their lives.

Since I've decoded these findings, I have struggled to make sense of them and to understand if being caretakers is really such a bad thing. Sure, having no personal sense of self does not seem so great, psychologically-speaking. But many of these women will say that they truly find meaning in taking care of those around them. They see this as their special skill and even as something that sets them apart from men. So why, in our efforts to equalize gender roles, would we want to take this away from women by demanding that men also contribute to the caretaking of others?

My answer came in this UN Commission on the Status of Women report from 2009. It explained that women across the globe are overburdened with the task of caretaking. In impoverished areas, women are left to care for the sick, those with HIV, the ailing, the dying. As men leave home for different cities or countries in search for work, women are left to run whole communities, yet this work is unrecognized in the rights and the amount of power that these women receive in those communities. In industrialized societies, women are also forced to choose between career and family, when affordable and accessible childcare, as well as adequate maternity/paternity leave, are still largely uncommon.

It seems then that women truly hold the weight of the world on their womanly shoulders and this weight of our world is perhaps only getting heavier. The problems or successes of men, children, the elderly, and other women become a personal responsibility and a judgment of character for many women and this fact just seems unfair and overwhelming. Men must step in to help women manage all this exhausting caretaking. They are equally as capable of carrying the weight of others, and with us working together on egalitarian terms, we can perhaps take care of each other, succeed at our own skills, and feel as the equal, productive and self-actualized beings we all can be.