5 Misconceptions About Feminists

I'll be honest, this article upset me. I understand that this is a personal opinion post, but it is part of a larger discourse: can feminism and motherhood, or feminism and womanhood, exist simultaneously? Modern women all over the place seem to be asking themselves this question (to be fair, the author of this article also wrote this response), and to my dismay, many decide that the answer is "no." I have no idea where this answer comes from... is it from the misconceptions, the stereotypes, the backlash, the patriarchy that is so scared of women's voices and power? It's not even any particular person that I am upset about, but rather the general pattern of these discussions (many of which seems to be happening among mothers, I think?). 

In any case, that original post alludes to some popular stereotypes about feminism that simply are not true but are still widely held. I would like to discuss some of them here, in the style of this piece, which by the way I thought was pretty great.

I don't know, is what I am about to say pretty basic? But if so, why do we still hear and perpetuate all these myths? Anyway, here we go:

1. Feminism is an antiquated movement that is no longer relevant to modern women.

In short, feminism is about understanding and pointing out the systemic inequalities between men, as a group, and women, as a group. These inequalities still exit today; sexism still exists today, even if it may be hard to see sometimes. Check out this report for some statistics on gender disparities worldwide.

And actually, in my experience, feminism is the most flexible of the human rights movements. Generally, feminists listen to the critiques of others and attempt to include different perspectives. When the movement mostly included White women and focused only on their concerns, African-American women said: Hey, that isn't relevant to us, but this is! And the goals of the movement shifted to look at the interplay between sexism and racism. Later, lesbian women said: Wait, and what about us? In addition to those issues, we are also facing these ones! This started a conversation about the interplay between sexism and homophobia. And so on.

So if there is something that feels irrelevant or if something feels unaddressed, please speak up! Do not disavow yourself from the movement, but let us know how we can better address your needs. I think we are all in this together.

2. Feminists hate men.

Feminism is not about individual men and women, but about systems of oppression. And guess what? Men can be feminists, too! And also, you know, if a woman is heterosexual, chances are, she still loves men, but that's not really the point, is it?

bell hooks says that patriarchy (defined as a system in which women have a subordinate status to men, i.e. everywhere in the world) has no gender. This means that oppression is perpetuated by both men and woman onto both men and women. In the end, it actually disadvantages everyone! Some common examples include: a boy is scared/not allowed to take a ballet class despite his superb dancing and musical abilities, a group of male staff fail to take their female boss seriously, a female college student is scared to walk home alone from the library after dark, a mother tells her daughter to watch what she eats specifically because prom is coming up and doesn't the daughter want to look thin for her boyfriend? These are all examples of sexism that limit opportunities for all people and restrict our chances of self-actualizing.

Beautiful campaign and photography here

3. Feminist women want to be like men, which they are not.

Feminists don't want to "be like men," but they want access to the same opportunities as men. This means having equal access to education, health care, employment, etc. I don't think any feminist will care if a woman chooses not to work outside the home. By all means, do what works for you and your family! But every feminist will care if a woman chooses to get a job outside the home (because hey, this is what works for her and her family!) but is denied employment because she is seen erroneously as less profitable or gets paid less for doing the same job as a man. You see the pattern here? Expanding opportunities and fighting discrimination = good for everyone.

Source

4. Feminism is anti-motherhood.

Have you seen the awesome feminist mothers of the internet? Again, feminist motherhood (and feminist fatherhood, for that matter) is about expanding the opportunities for what our boys and girls can do and be. Here is an example of a mother fighting for her son's right to play with dolls and be "mommy." Here is an example of a mother teaching her daughter not to define herself only through her appearance. Feminist parenting is essential for the raising of a socially-conscious and inclusive next generation.

5. Shouldn't it be called "humanism"?
Humanism as a belief in the equal integrity of all people is good in spirit. Of course, we all want to be treated equally and with respect. But, in my opinion, it fails to recognize and address the patriarchy in which we all exist. Feminism goes on to explain why it is that we don't currently have equality and lays out some steps to remedy that situation.

Any other questions about feminism?

And now I will leave you with this wonderful quote from Pat Robertson, given at the 1992 Republican National Convention:

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians."

Un-femininity: women and tattoos

I am a woman and I have tattoos. In fact, I have tattoos in visible places--around my wrists and on my foot--and I've gotten all sorts of unbelievable comments from others regarding this personal choice about my body. People have been in my face with their own sad, pouty facial expressions as they told me that I've scarred my beautiful body. For the rest of my life. I've been called unclassy. I've been asked what I plan to do regarding work and how I plan to hide such obvious tattoos. People get all up in arms over this issue.

This is not me; it's a beautiful woman, picture taken from here.

There is something fundamentally unfeminine (according to social law) about tattoos on women. Any other body modification, sure, have at it! Pierce your ears, pluck your eyebrows, glue on fake nails and eyelashes. Even plastic surgery is ok, when done "right," i.e. to uphold feminine ideals (breast implants, de-wrinkling, tummy tucks). But permanently inserting ink into unblemished skin? That's for prisoners and sailors (all of which are, presumably, male). 

A few years back I read this article in an academic journal, and now often think back on the author's findings and conclusions whenever I feel harassed by others about my choice to have tattoos. In this study, the author interviewed tattooed women about their reasons for getting their body artwork, then analyzed the interviews for themes. He found two major themes for why women got tats: because of conformity to accepted beauty standards and as a rebellion against social expectations. Conformity tattoos were those that women got to appear sexy for their partners (to accentuate the curves of their hips or on the smalls of their backs) or those of overly feminine subject matters (flowers, butterflies, cute things, cartoon characters, lots of pastel and pink colors). Rebellion tattoos were those that went against accepted ideas of femininity. They were in visible spots (on forearms, shoulders, and necks), did not serve to highlight the curves of women's bodies, and dealt with subjects usually not associated with femininity (skulls, spiders, dragons, nautical symbols).

As I was searching for some online resources around this topic, I came upon an interesting discussion. It seems to have started with this article, published in the opinion column of the University of Buffalo independent student paper. I may be naive, but I read the article as a satire. I heard that the author was making fun of all the ridiculous arguments that are made regarding women's bodies, what we can and cannot do with our own bodies, and the incredible, unfair double standard that women face: we are encouraged to alter ourselves for the sake of external standards of acceptable beauty and class (high heels, painted nails, dyed hair, etc.), but not when body modification somehow goes against these accepted beauty standards. But then many people read the article as a literal attack on women's choices, and rightfully were outraged (just see the comments on both of these articles).

So this issue is complex. There are many reasons, of course, for why women get tattoos, and not all women with tattoos go strictly against accepted ideas of femininity. In the eyes of the public, some offenders are worse than others. I have tattoos of a skull, a compass surrounded by waves, a dove and a star. They are mostly black and gray, with some accents of blue, yellow, and orange. They each have a meaning, a sentimental value, and frankly, I love how the art looks on my skin. There is also something to the permanence of an image on my body, as things inside and outside of myself change constantly. I just wish people would trust and respect that our bodies belong to us and that we are free to make our own choices regarding them.

Retro Beauty

People always cite Marilyn Monroe as the quintessential ideal for a voluptuous type of beauty and sexiness. And hey, even after taking into account that her time period enjoyed fuller figures compared to now, her image still works for me! I love having a kind of role model for the unapologetically curvy body, especially in someone so influential. So in dark times of body-image trouble, I just meditate to this image and remind myself that curvaceousness can be absolutely stunning. Cheers!

UPDATE: This post provides great and appropriate commentary on the recent Marilyn Monroe memes. Although I wasn't commenting here on any of the offensive memes that feature women pitted against each other or ones that shame women with skinny bodies, the post still sparked a question in my mind: does my draw toward a full-bodied role-model still point to a kind of internalized sexism? Am I perpetuating the value we place on women's bodies above all else, or am I just happy to see a prominent woman whose body looks like mine? Is this my own internalized male-gaze speaking, and should I focus more on health? Yes, probably, all of the above. All I can say is that I continue to be amazed at how complicated and confusing this issue of body image is. 

Heroine

I love to watch all of the crime-solving murder mystery shows that TV has to offer. But even though those shows do feature some women in smart scientific roles, the leads, the people who manage the teams, supervise the cases, and ultimately take the credit for solving the crimes, are usually men. Just check it out: Gil Grissom, Mac Taylor, Horatio Caine, Patrick Jane, Jethro Gibbs, G. Callen, among many others.

Then I stumbled upon "Bones." This show features a male FBI agent + a female forensic anthropologist duo who catch murderers by examining the victims' skeletal remains. Not only is her expertise essential to the investigations, but she is also intelligent, courageous, and often saves her partner's butt in sticky situations. Her character, Dr. Bennan, is based on a real forensic anthropologist, professor and author. And although Dr. Bennan's "socially awkward" and unapologetic manner with which she speaks of her own talent is sometimes ridiculed on the show, overall she knows how to assert herself and never backs down on her convictions.

Check out this kick-ass woman taking front and center!

Of course I realize that this is TV, with its limited capacity for good and flushed-out characters that make everyone happy. I am still excited to finally see someone like her on the screen. She is not oversexualized, but she talks about sex in a woman-centered empowered way. She does not dumb down her knowledge and does not struggle with having a professional identity while secretly pining for quiet days at home with children. She is not over-feminized, has both male and female friends, and even has conflicted relationships with her family. In other words, it's as if she's a real human being! 

The other day at work, I caught myself asserting my thoughts and opinions in a group discussion, while feeling unapologetic for my insight and skills. I found myself mentally referencing what Dr. Bennan would do and how she would handle herself in a professional situation. It may feel wrong to break gender role convention, I thought, by demanding that people listen to what I have to say, but at least I have a virtual role model who has shown me that it's OK to do so. This is when I realized, viscerally, how powerful media images truly are, in negative and positive ways. I can only hope that the future of TV holds more Dr. Brennans for the benefit of all of us. 

Naked Truth

This morning while dressing in front of the mirror*, I made an interesting discovery. When I look at my body naked, I quite like what I see. You know, I like seeing the curves and the contours. I allow myself to feel sexy, or even just secure in my feminine appearance, kind of like a strong confident goddess. I don't see my body as somehow misshaped; I think it is right in the average range as far as women's bodies are concerned: not too tall, not too short, not too fat, not too skinny, and without any visual abnormalities.

This is not actually my body. Image source: here.

But it is when clothes go on my body that my self-conscious thoughts set in. Something about the way I am used to seeing clothes on women's bodies--on mannequins in stores, on women on TV, etc., and probably something about the way clothes are made using generic patterns that don't actually fit many body types--immediately switches my thinking from "oo-la-la" to "uh-oh." Solution? We should all go about life naked and loving our natural bodies. Not likely to happen? Ok, then maybe we can agree to work to expand our view of women's bodies in clothes to include all variations of shapes.

*This is an interesting phenomenon in itself. How many women get dressed in front of a mirror, or definitely check in the mirror before leaving the house? How many men do this?